Imprint.

A fever took hold of yesterday when I was lying in bed, trying to surrender myself to somnia. Instead my mind began racing, first pulling me beyond this earth and this very reality itself, so I was looking in on our plane of reality from the outside – which is remarkably hard to make sense of when stripped of the inherent understanding of universal law – then right into the subjective, the world, and my life, illuminating its every detail and flaw. Such velocity in leaps of logical understanding left me dizzy and my heart pumping, but an exhilarating mental clarity followed. The subsequent vivid realisations were thus;

Someone like me will never be happy unless they feel they are adequately validating their existence. To authenticate my very being, I need to express myself in a manner which frees me from all preconcieved psychological barriers to freedom. I must justify my existence by pushing boundaries, creatively, emotionally and empirically, as my revelation seemed to word it, “expand the perameters of what it is to be alive”, at least in my own perception. This is where it gets both abstract yet oddly personal, where I concluded that I must “be all the people I never knew I could be”, encompassing extreme and intense experiences and situations. Frenzied notes followed; “relationships, settings, roles, personalities, positions, desires, spirits… characters, through many ages.” In hindsight, I guess I was realising I wanted to be everything.

The spurt of inspiration began to form a clearer aim beyond obscure conceptualism. The imperitive emphasis was with exploring the real core of who I am now, as well as all that I can be. The dichotomy lay in specialising in being, as well as diversifying throughout the course of life. Living one thousand different lives while running on an undercurrent of one true essence, in actuality of living and in values.

Then how to view such existence as I may progress towards it was detailed; “Exist for myself as well as other people, but exist within other people as well as just myself. Objectify as well as subjectify”. If my soul was telling me I needed to try and fulfil my deepest desire to become everything, then it was also telling me to view it every which way, through the eyes of everyone. Why do I yearn for such broad scope? Why does my being need to scale such impossible heights to reach fulfilment? At times I don’t even understand what it is that any of this could mean in reality, and scrap the concept as futile insanity. But at others I comprehend what it is I am trying to realise with a burning lucidity, and again my heart pumps, and I am more awake and removed from the trappings of the real world than ever, and it pains me.

Whether I am insane or not, I do not know. But the purpose of my being can be reduced to its most basic platform; leave an imprint. And perhaps that is the most human desire every mortal posesses.

Catharsis.

Beginning again should always inspire hope, but the night beyond these conservatory window panes is too dark and the future too uncertain. We’ve all felt that inner stirring with the conception of the notion of how truly unwritten the future is; but this time it aint pretty. The stakes are higher this time than ever before. I’m not sure that where I find myself next year will be a happy place or even whether it will be progress. A bright, exciting future seems to rest upon too many contigencies; contingencies which I am grappling for but remain precariously out of reach like the apple halfway up the tree. Contingencies which are columns that sway and almost crumble with the to-ing and fro-ing of bi-polar, an emotional and mental earthquake which shakes my entire world for days or weeks. Moods are tides and perspectives are always temporary in this place, this head.

This time I just realised how bloody tired I was of constantly rebeginning; drifting onward with no acknowledgement of the past lest it haunts me, which it often does anyway. So as a small gesture to something or someone, some force in the universe, I revisited this wordpress instead of constructing a new one and escaping past failures. The wordpress which could have done so much for me, the wordpress I had a duty to write in, to maintain, to show to the world. It would have been all I really had to show to the world, but here I am, three years on still with nothing to show the world or to represent me. At 20. At 17, you missed an opportunity, but there will be other chances you can take – you’re still just a kid. At 20, when you still haven’t taken that chance, either you aint the kid you thought you were or something’s really gone wrong. My conclusion wavers between the two each day. Even I myself represent none of the true values I have and I am painfully confronting this in order to change such a fact.

Bat For Lashes @ Oxford Zodiac, 3rd June 2008

 

Natasha Khan embodies enigmatic grace as she casts a spell over the audience with her bewitching music, enchanting the young girls emulating her style with feather-sequin headdresses and glitter-adorned eyes. Bat For Lashes have been away for a while now, and their live return is truly spellbinding. Playing a mixture of their known songs, including ‘Prescilla’ and ‘The Wizard’, whilst sprinkling in a few well-received new ones like ‘Pearl’s Dream’, the music is both earthy and tribal yet mystically ethereal. Comparisons to Kate Bush and Bjork aren’t far wrong – if you conjure the sound of Bush singing over lupine howls and the primal drumbeats of ‘Earth Intruders’ on a moonlit night, you’re getting somewhere.

Micachu & The Shapes- Friday 24th May

The Mystery Jets are certainly fans, describing them as ‘wild’ ‘melancholy’ and ‘tribal’ – and Micachu & The Shapes certainly are both captivating and fascinating. The odd blend of electronic sounds and stop-start rhythms are something which may later grow on you, but it is the no-frills, South-London androgyny of Micachu’s voice that makes your ears prick up, coupled with the feminine melodic harmonies of new single “Golden Phone” and the understated, softly staccato delivery of lyrics. This song is undeniably likeable for it’s eclectic mish-mash layering of quirky Atari noises and weird percussive instruments, creating a strange, danceable and progressively addictive track, which is so different to everything else.

 

With similar style, “Turn Me Weller” peculiarly begins with the drone of a vacuum cleaner, before the digitally discordant introduction reveals it to be an altogether darker and more melancholic sound. Lyrics like “You squeeze my heart so tight tonight,” have so much more resonance over such emotionally crafted electronica, and the repeating lines “Will you get to me and turn me well? /I’m a tired soul,” underline the downbeat mood; soulful whilst remaining bizarre in composition.

 

M&TS have an unusual originality to their music – edgy, eccentric and subtly stirring. It’s hard to initially know what to make of them, but their curious and refreshing melodies will keep your mind replaying them – and your fingers revisiting their myspace page.

www.myspace.com/micayomusic

Dita Dimoné

Dita Dimoné

Pop Levi

 

Judging by his latest release, Jonathan Pop Levi seems to have mastered the craft of ridiculously catchy glam-tunes that drill their way into your brain. The hand-clap beats and the funky synth bassline hook your attention immediately. The guitar riffs are so retro they seem new, fresh and exciting. After forcing you to sit up and listen, the harmonised synthesised vocals kick in with lyrics like, “I drive my mustang/ It’s a ’98 blue thing” and make you wonder what the hell you’re listening to. But you like it. It’s stomping, sexy and sleazy. ‘Dita Dimoné’ is something that you unexpectedly love. Exactly how does he create such a brilliant piece of dirty electro-groove pop? Ask yourself after pressing “repeat”.

Released 23rd June.

Twisted Wheel, 17th April 2008

Hotly tipped Oldham three-piece Twisted Wheel seem to have risen from relative anonymity to a swelling flurry of interest and buzz, but the standard “have I missed something?” reaction and initial cynicism is soon quelled when you see these boys live. Storming their way into their set with “Big Issue”, a scathing criticism of “a bitter smile on a homeless face”, the band set the tone for the evening; rowdy, young, Mancunian music with ska-influenced guitars and gritty yet poetic lyricism.

 

The energy with which this package is delivered is what makes people really listen; and the set packs a powerful second punch with the fast-paced “Smash It Up,” which sees the divide between casual gig-goers and fired-up fans emerge as the latter fling themselves around in front of the stage to the rolling drumbeat and repeating bass line, reminiscent of Johnny Cash.

 

New single “She’s a weapon,” reveals Twisted Wheel’s dirtier northern sound as singer Johnny snarls into the mic, but then we catch a glimpse of a less aggressive musicality in ‘Strife’; the same bleak snapshot lyrics with a brighter melody that lurches along with punk guitar riffs, drawing comparisons to the Arctic’s Mardy Bum.

 

However closing number “You Stole The Sun,” is the final blow- a frenzied cut of Twisted Wheel’s frenetic style which works the crowd into a gleeful bunch hurling beer with reckless abandon. You’re left with the feeling something genuinely great is brewing.

Bat For Lashes – Horse & I

Horse and I- Bat For Lashes

Exactly what is it in music that can undeniably quicken your pulse? It’s impossible not to feel excitement creep up your spine as the dancing baroque harpsichord, spooky operatic backing vocals and soaring strings grow and progressively build up to the thrilling fairytale that is “Horse and I.” A militant, marching beat invades the music and sweeps it up into new levels of inexplicable urgency whilst Natasha of Bat For Lashes whispers of a mysterious midnight escapade. It is ghostly, dramatic, and evokes the romantic adventurism of Patrick Wolf’s “Gipsy King” and the fragile mysticism of Bjork’s “Pagan Poetry.” This song steals you from reality before leaving you wondering what just happened.

The Pan I Am – Lillian Looks Beyond The Grave

What exactly is Edward Larrikin up to these days? After announcing the split of those loveable Thamesbeat rascals Larrikin Love, leaving lovers of their calypso charm bereft and mystified, he has declared his return with weird folk-electronica outfit The Pan I Am. “Lillian Looks Beyond The Grave,” induces confused brow-furrowing as it unexpectedly begins with a fuzzy-electro bassline and a high pitched wailing keyboard-organ, like some mutant bat shrieking. It certainly is a darker sound than we ever heard on “The Freedom spark,” as he sings over Patrick Wolf-esque D&B with a restless, meandering guitar pick, but then suddenly we are thrown back into the wonderful familiar territory of gypsydelic delight as the mood lifts with a playful eastern feel, ukulele and wavering keyboard synth. Enchanting.